Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Week I Lost to Back-to-Back Friendships


The Week I Lost to Back-to-Back Friendships

Last week I lost to back-to-back friendships. The two friendships I had were long and enduring, yet they both ended during the same week. I cherished deeply both friendships. One ended as a result of death of my best friend. The second friendship ended because an old personality conflict that resurfaced -- and this time, I decided that enough was enough.

My first friend (the one that died) and I had major conflicts over the years. Yet we still remain friends (even though he was much older than I was). He made me laugh; it was his youthfulness that made him unstoppable. He also introduced me to the great game of golf.

In golf, as in life, the main thing is to connect the club with the ball. That’s all that there is to it! He showed me that connecting in golf is as connecting with people. That ability to connect increases my chances of getting my ball in the hole.  Connecting with people increases my chances of having a relationship with them that endures. A relationship in which I can serve them; and infrequently, they can serve me.

My Second Friendship Lost…

Though my second friend and I did not know each other as long as did friend #1 and I, we had a great relationship. This is/was a relationship where there was much reciprocal giving -- on both ends. It was very enjoyable, yet I noticed as time went on, my friend aged, and a certain degree of grumpiness or irritability started to set.

And many times I didn’t see it coming or maybe I was too preoccupied with myself to see it coming. Nevertheless, I adjusted. What did I do? I decided that I had had just about enough -- and sometimes, enough is enough is enough.

I remember the last phone call that we had.  I was going on about my day as I usually do (and as he usually enjoys it); and he said to me. “I no longer want to hear about your -- call someone else that are similar for sharing and impress them. I don’t want hear it!”

I deleted his phone number from my digital rolodex—post haste. That gave me closure. It gave me the wherewithal to gain what I needed in order to close a chapter of my life. Now, on to the next part of my life and friendships. As in life, they all evolve and resolve

I still hold the fondness and intimacy of my friendships close to my heart, yet we start new friendships again. Through it all, we have to remain true to ourselves. Not narcissistic -- not selfish -- but true to ourselves. If we were not careful -- I do mean really careful – we may lose not only life’s friendship, but also our hunger, desire, and willingness to connect with others. What’s the benefit of all of this? Friendships. [Dedicated in memoriam to my good friend and fellow Army Bandsman, T.A. Montoya {RIP}]